The Healing Doctrine

Sound doctrine must also be clearly evident in our homes. In German it is called the “healing doctrine.” This sound doc­trine turns the hearts of the fathers toward the children and the children’s hearts to the fathers. This is in stark contrast to all the insensitivity and loneliness children so often experi­ence, even while having their every material need met—things such as clothing and food.

A lot of people think of God as a cruel, terrible man whose sole aim is to punish them. They haven’t come to know His compassionate heart. If children sense that their parents sym­pathize with them and are interested in their circumstances, they won’t feel alone with their burdens. Without invading their privacy or forcing themselves on them, parents must keep such close contact with their children that they quickly recognize if something is wrong. Such openness enables the children to talk about what is troubling them. This sort of trust-relationship is extremely valuable.

It’s important that by faith you lay aside the stress and bur­dens of the work place when you come home and participate in household tasks. Give your family your full attention when you are there. If you don’t get victory over anxiety, it can eas­ily create a domino effect that will cause a lot of suffering, especially for the children. Maybe you have difficulty endur­ing in suffering when you are humiliated or when you are in other adverse circumstances. This needs to go into the death of Christ, so that when you come home, you come to bless your household.

In January 1941, J. O. Smith wrote in Skjulte Skatter: “Con­cerning the homes in which our children grow up the little ones must first receive nourishment, so they can grow. Ac­cording to the old custom, after they have finished school and been confirmed, if they get confirmed [at about 15 years old], then they are regarded as adults who can look after them­selves. But they are still “sheep” that must be watched over and tended. How parents sin against their children here when they don’t watch over them in the years of their youth!” Young people must be watched over in a good way so they don’t end up in situations that will damage them for life. We must stay ahead of the devil and know our sheep well. “Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and attend to your herds.” Prov. 27:23.

It is good for children to have boundaries. If these bound­aries are spacious enough to allow them a sound develop­ment, the children will recognize that boundaries are an expression of love and care. The boundaries should be as wide as possible, but once they do exist, transgressions must be dealt with. A good, blessed atmosphere must exist within the boundaries. Mother and father must be watchful here. Some children need more limitations than others, even within the same family. The driving force behind everything must be love for the child, and not the ambition of the parents.

Be careful not to spiritualize your children. They recognize the good Spirit in our gatherings. They will sense that the lov­ing environment in the church is their home. Beware of put­ting them in boxes. Even if the children are not born again and perhaps behave improperly, you should be open-hearted and liberal with the young people in the church. When they are old enough to consciously choose to live according to their lusts, they will sense that they have to make a break with their up-bringing in order to do so.

Violence toward children or beating them in anger is com­pletely unacceptable. It creates fear and insecurity in their hearts. Parents who do this should think how they would like it if a giant three times their size were to grab hold of them in anger.

God has equipped us with various talents and gifts. No one is worth more than another in His eyes. Within the scope of our personal abilities, we have the opportunity to attain to all the fullness of God. Striving to compete with others is stupid and vain. True happiness is found in the genuine relationship we have with God. Through that relationship we will be able to give our children something from heaven. Whether you live in a big house or a small house means nothing. But for parents to have a good relationship in which their children sense security, care and unconditional love means very much.

When our children come to youth age, it is important for us as parents to step back a little from being their educators and rather be guides and good conversation partners for them. The children need to become more independent in a natural way, and it can often be easier for them to seek advice and guidance from others in whom they have confidence. As their parents, we should rejoice over this.

It is also a good idea to celebrate special events in their lives or any victories they might have, and to support them in their defeats, without meddling. If you follow along closely, you can step in at the right time, just like the eagle that pushes her young out of the nest, but is ready to catch them if they should falter.

Children also need to learn elementary things; for ex­ample, diligence. They should learn to prioritize their time and be good stewards. All children should be encouraged to do their best, both at school and in practical work, with the gifts they have received from God. They need some structure. The burden of learning to organize their life and their time will be a lot less of a burden than that of living a chaotic life where they are always having to catch up. Finances are also a difficult matter. Many treat them lightly—and things often go awry. If you are not educated in these matters yourself, you should seek advice before making important decisions.

The relationship between husband and wife is an earthly matter. Personal finances are an important factor in this rela­tionship. There is an adage that says we should live within our means. Among other things, this means that expenditures should correspond to our income. You should manage your affairs in accordance with how God has provided for you in your earthly circumstances, without comparing yourself to others who are in a different situation and have received more than you.

If the bill collector is knocking at the door, it is difficult to have a glorious love-life. Security in the deepest sense con­sists of the wife and children knowing that the father has a connection with heaven and hears the voice of the Spirit in his inner man. That will bring peace and rest.

Some children are very open and spontaneous and are good at communicating. Others are more self-conscious and withdrawn. Some are easy to be with; others are difficult and stubborn. Sickness and other disorders can also be a factor. All children should feel that their mother and father watch over them and are thankful for them just as they are—without feeling like their parents are seeking honor or are embar­rassed by them. Naturally, this includes seeking professional advice from a doctor or other professional if you suspect “ab­normal or deviant behavior.” Parents must show goodness to each one of their children, and they should pray for them and be patient during periods when they may be a little distant. Parents need to strive to keep a good relationship with all their children, regardless of their personal choices. You must also show care and support to those who choose a different course in life. “To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” Job 6:14.

Children quickly sense if their parents aren’t speaking to each other or if they don’t have a good relationship. This makes things very heavy and oppressive for those who are nearest. In some relationships, one person is very quiet and the other very open. The natural thing to do is to work through things within the four walls of the house, but in some cases it is right to seek advice from others. Seek advice for yourself, and don’t speak disparagingly about other people unnecessarily. Be careful about whom you seek advice from too.

We live in a very enlightened time. In earlier times there was a lot of love, but little knowledge. I wonder if the need and the prescription for our time isn’t a bit different. “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ.” Phil. 1:9-10. Knowledge often abounds, but perhaps we need to pray more for this knowl­edge to be far richer in love!

There is a lot of coldness and insensitivity in the flesh, even in places where you might not have thought it possible. Most people wouldn’t think there are snow-capped mountains in Africa, but there are. A lot of insensitivity can be hidden within us too. We all need a living connection with the Spirit of truth to be able to acknowledge the truth. Then He will be able to speak to us and show us what we cannot see, even if we have “the right understanding.” There is probably no other place where that sigh of the firstfruits—“Oh, wretched man that I am”—comes forth so often as in the home.

Within your four walls you have a “church that is in your house,” (Rom. 16:5)—a place where you can practice these things and work in such a way that your children really sense that their childhood kingdom is a kingdom of heaven. Then God, who sees the hidden things, will reward you openly. Such faithful people will grow in wisdom and stature before God and man, and after a time they will also be very useful ministers in the church. In such poverty, you won’t be so quick to think you are better equipped to lead the church than those who are placed there. Thoughts like that can easily cause a person to step outside their measure of faith—outside their anointed area. Then in many ways they miss out on the time that they should have spent taking care of their children.

It would be good for all of us to consider the words written by N. P. Wetterlund in the tract Your Child, which was printed in Skjulte Skatter in January 1931. He writes:

“Father and mother! The key to raising your children is to esteem them highly, as highly as the Lord esteems them: as possessors of the kingdom of heaven and our example. Matt. 18:1-6. No one yet has esteemed their children too highly. When children are destroyed here on our earth, it happens because they have been esteemed too lowly.

As you embrace your little one, remember that you are embracing heaven and your God, in a likeness you have never seen before and will never see duplicated.

God gave Himself to you in your child, that you might give yourself to Him. Thus, the way you treat your child is the way you treat your God, and the way that God will treat you. Matt. 18:5-6. You can do one of two things for your child: preserve it on its heav­enly heights, or drag it down from there.

Help your child in its fight for life! For what is neglected here in opportune moments can seldom be corrected through years of suffering. The ‘precious moments’ by your child’s bed­side are buds that contain long-lasting joy or anguish. The parable of the millstone applies here. Father! Mother! Your word is holy, your might is great; your blessing and curse have inestimable influence.”